Drawing Forth – Newsletter – Summer 2014

Drawing Forth

Leaning in and trusting…

I went to Dartmoor seeking to remember my love of drawing…
a long time love of mine which somehow, somewhere along the line, in the midst of all the other making, (of sculpture, video, and painting) got set aside and then forgotten.

I found her though, this love, this lover of mine, somewhere under a pile of drawing exercises and hours of reminding myself of how to sit with a thing and just look.

I found her after spending hours reminding myself of basic drawing skills, remembering how it is to look for light, tone,  texture and form, and how it is to plough through mounds of paper, charcoal, pens, pencils and putty rubbers and then seemingly achieve ‘nothing’.

I found her at my point of exasperation, when I had given up all hope of finding her actually.

I found her when I was disillusioned, and when I had accepted that maybe she was gone forever. In fact maybe she had only  ever been an unattainable, unachievable aspiration of mine and now I had (perhaps) finally let go of what others had warned me might be the impossible dream.

I certainly found her when I had let go of all the working hard and all the searching, the longing and the desire….

I found her when I felt complete with myself, when I was solid with the Taos mountain in my heart and in my belly. I found her when I needed nothing from her. That is when she came to me.

For when I had given up trying, hoping, wanting, searching, when I had finally recognised control is an illusion, when I had completely given up, then I gave everything over to my body, to the universe, and to the powers of a greater spirit.

I blind folded myself, tucked my earplugs under my turban and disappeared into my private interior intending to touch upon and  express physically all that I was feeling. (on the inside, on the outside and all around me.)

In this private, protected, cocoon like place, with no expectations, other than a hope that I might feel ‘something’, suddenly I could sense her within and all around me. I could feel love again, I could feel this ancient and familiar lover in every cell of my being….

It was as if she had come to me on the breeze from some far distant land. It was as if she had been waiting for me to let go enough to enable her re-entry. It was as if she was in fact already me, a part of me, some kind of familiar me from the past that had been separated somehow, sometime a long while ago out of circumstance, necessity, and I don’t know what.

Now she was returning to me to make me feel myself again, to help me remember myself, and enable me to feel safe at home.

She was retuning to me so I could know something that only lovers know, I could remember something that only love can touch, I could remember and know again about the special and unique ‘something’ that actually has no words and is possibly the most important thing one can ever be gifted with.

As my love, this lover returned to me, I leant in towards her, I leant in beyond the point of no return, and trusted her with all my know how and with everything.

She had returned.

Could she be my perfect fit?

I felt complete.

Completely connected to her, in love and entirely  surrendered…..together we were flowing…

drawing in, drawing out, drawing forth….

 

 

Mixed media drawings – drawn blind in Dartmoor, Devon
1st August 2014Left Hand Side ‘This Is It’.
Right Hand Side ‘Everything is Here.’

Photo Credit – (Images of Veronique) Claude Heath

 

 

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